One Ball Down, Two to Go

Lost my tennis ball in the park today, but fear that that particular ball is the least of my worries. She has said it so many times and not followed through with it that I just assumed that she was joking.

I thought we had an understanding, but she has tried to justify herself by saying something about barking at one or two things like bikes, men without dogs, men that smell of booze, men in general and anything that walks passed the house. She even had the gall to tell me it was for my own good! Earth to mum! I'm nearly one and a half years old- I think I am old enough to decide what is best for me.

She has scheduled the date for Thursday. I know this because we walked down to the vets last week and saw that crazy blonde girl with the scary Rottweiler that tries to play with me all the time and doesn't seem to realise that he is HUGE and would definitely crush me.

So it's off to castration kennel for me. My pride and joy. It just won't be the same on a windy day and how am I supposed to let everybody know who's top dog without being able to roll on my back and display my plums?

Alex and Liam will never let me live this down and definitely will not respect my territory or my authority. I bet they'll think it's funny. Humans are evil. And the bitches at the park will be so disappointed. I better get plenty of treats for this.

Sexual Frustration

I met this well sexy bitch yesterday. She was possibly a little bit young for me, but I'm not after anything long term and I could tell that she wanted me.

Her name was Daisy and she was a little Dalmatian and she was gorgeous. The main problem is that she has a bit of an overprotective father. All I did was try to hump her a little bit, but we should possibly have waited until we were alone and somewhere a little more private. Her dad wasn't very happy- something about 'taking his baby's virginity.'

He wasn't letting her off the lead anyway. We chased around for a bit, but I kept catching her glancing at me and wiggling her bum. Tease.

Mum's quite cool and understanding, but she is a bit funny where sex is concerned. How else am I supposed to get rid of all this pent up sexual tension? Perhaps I should just stick with the cushions for now.

Bikes

If there's one thing I don't like, it's bikes. Well, I don't like men who smell of alcohol. So if there's two things I don't like, it's bikes and cider soaked men. Well, I don't really like people walking passed the house either. Ok, so if there are three things that I don't like, it's bikes, drunks and passing pedestrians. But I really don't like bikes.

It's great though because all I have to do to get them to go away is run after them barking. I have quite a big bark for quite a small dog, which I am very proud of. Proof that size isn't everything. I must be really scary because they always ride off and leave us alone after that. Sometimes they shout things at mum. I don't like to get her into trouble, but the main thing is that I keep her safe from the bikes. One day, she'll understand and thank me for it.

I must say though that I am getting less and less bothered about them. There is a bike track in our local park and mum keeps taking me down there to watch the bikes. She doesn't let me off the lead, but she feeds me loads of dried sausage all the time so if a load of bikes being around means I get fed sausage, maybe they're not so bad after all.

And I figure, hey, I've still got smelly men and people walking passed the house to bark at. I'll just have to concentrate on them.

My New Home

We finally moved in last week. I have been staying with my friends, Lottie, Takara and Eddie for a while and it has been great, but I was glad to get back to my mummy and she has been spoiling me rotten. I have had chewy sticks in all the flavours that you could ever imagine- that's right, chicken... and beef!

I don't know why she expects me to sleep on my own bed though. Mum's is a king size and it is definitely big enough for the both of us- I'm only little after all. She says that I kick her in the middle of the night and that she nearly ended up on the floor once. I think that must have been the time that I was dreaming about that squirrel. It went up the tree and no matter how high I jumped, it was just out of reach. Do you ever have dreams like that? Ooh, and do you ever have dreams where you've only just fallen asleep and then you run down a hill too fast and face plant into the grass and wake up suddenly with a jolt? I hate that.

Anyway, at the moment I am learning to get my squeaky burger, bring it and drop it and then leave it. Apparently my teeth are a bit too sharp for mum's hand, so I have to keep them away. I am also learning how to roll over, which is pretty hard and I am pretending that I don't get it properly, so that mum will keep giving me treats. She stops giving me chewy sticks when she knows I know how to do something. I'm playing this one out for as long as possible.

I hope you enjoyed reading my first post. It's getting late now and I have to get some sleep so that I can wake mum up as early as I can so she can take me for a walk in the park. Night night.